As I mentioned yesterday, I recently realized that there are several things about me that, in spite of the fact that they're relativley innocuous, I have been keeping to myself. Mostly because I don't want people to judge me or love me less. But I think I should be honest with myself and say that if anyone loves me, it's certainly not because they're laboring under the delusion that I'm "perfect" or "cool" or even "normal." If anything, the people that love me love me because, like me, they are drawn to slightly unstable people like moths to a flame. Plus, it's a lot of work to try to hide the things about me that I think might make me seem weird. If I hide all of that, then what else would I have left to talk about? So I started making a list of things that I usually try not to mention to other people, and I'd like to share that with you now...
1) I'm really into crocheting lately.
2) I love paint-by-numbers.
3) I have 2 gerbils, named Punkin and Roo.
4) I tend to skip when I think no one's looking.
5) I've been seeing a Mental Health Professional for the past few months.
6) I've recently gotten very interested in buddhism and meditation.
7) I'm trying to be a pescetarian, with questionable success.
8) Sometimes I worry that I'll fall into a deep, dark depression and/or that I'll have to start taking medication in order to make myself bearable to those around me. (For the record, my Mental Health Professional has never mentioned depression or medication, so this fear is probably completely ungrounded).
9) Sometimes I worry that I'm not crazy or mysterious enough to be very interesting.
10) I never thought Obama's "socialism" sounded all that bad.
11) I'm afraid of the dark, and sometime last year I called 911 because I saw "shadows" outside my window.
12) I've been trying to exercise/eat better/get healthier since about this time last year. I even gave in and started "counting calories" (hang on a second while I gag). I've lost about 12 lbs and 1 pant size.
13) As part of those efforts, I signed up to meet with a personal trainer once a week. Sigh.
There. It feels better to have all of that off my chest. There are probably still other things I could confess, but I think it's important to take baby steps. Anyway, my intention is to devote posts to elaborating on some of these things in the next couple of weeks, because the only way to overcome our fears is by facing them! Woo! Also, I have 20 more posts to go for NaBloPoMo, and that material has got to come from somewhere.
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