Election Day '04

About this time four years ago, I was gearing up for my very first presidential election as a voting citizen. Because I was a) relatively well-informed about the state of things and b) raised by Democrats*, I was planning to vote for Kerry. Looking back, I can see why so many people considered him to be uncharismatic and uninspiring. There were times during the debates when even I thought I could have done a better job, but since he was the first presidential candidate I had actively supported, I accepted him unquestioningly, as one accepts their first serious boyfriend, no matter what a jerk he really is. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Kerry was terrible or that he deserved to lose, I'm just saying that now, looking back, I can see his weaknesses a little more clearly.

*Let's be honest: most people vote the way they vote because that's how their parents vote. It really frustrates me when people don't acknowledge this.

Nevertheless, being the passionate and incredibly naive 19-year-old that I was, I firmly believed that there was no way that W. could be re-elected. After all, people had to see what was going on, right? They had to see how hopelessly the war in Iraq was going, how the president had unabashedly lied to all of us, how rapidly we were losing the respect of the rest of the world. He had even sort of broken with the UN, an organization that - I thought I had learned in middle school - was established to prevent war and hardship, to promote diplomacy, and to improve relations between all nations. The UN was a good thing, something to be respected, and our president had disregarded the opinions and guidance of so many intelligent and esteemed world leaders. That in and of itself, I thought, should be sufficient evidence that his time in the White House should come to a swift end.

I know that at the time, a lot of people voted for a second term for Bush because they thought that kicking him out would open up our country to another attack. I voted the way I did because I believed just the opposite: I thought that the president was behaving as though we weren't sharing the world with a multitude of other nations, as though the world was just ours to do with as we wished. In short, I thought he was behaving in exactly the same fashion that inspired the kind of intense, mindless hate that led to the terrorist attacks on our country. And as far as I could tell, it was only serving to further erode our stature in the world. In '04, I firmly believed that if the president remained in office, it would mean terrible things for our country. I was terrified that he was only adding fuel to the fire of American Hate, and that we might suffer another attack as a result.

I thought that all of this must be evident to other voters. I believed that, poor debate performances aside, Kerry would win. I believed that a change was on the horizon for the U.S., that this country, my home, which I loved so dearly and which had provided me with nothing but privilege and good times in my relatively short lifetime, would not let itself go any further down that destructive road. I was (am) so ridiculously idealistic.

So. Imagine my surprise when Bush won. I remember talking the next day with a close friend, a Republican by virtue of his home state (Georgia), parents (also Republican), and his religious upbringing (extra-Christian). He was the first of many people to teach me that even people you really, genuinely like(!) can completely disagree with you about politics, and he had voted for Bush. I talked to him on the phone about how frustrated and mad I was, how doomed I thought our country was, and how ridiculous the whole situation was. But as I talked, my anger evaporated and all that was left was disappointment and fear. I ended our conversation abruptly as I realized that I had started to cry.

Later on, my Republican friend (who is awesome) showed up at my dorm room door with a package of Oreos and a half-gallon of milk to cheer me up. I saw how ridiculous I had been, and now it's just a funny story to tell about My Very First Presidential Election. Even when I saw my friend a few months ago, he brought up how emotional I'd been, how silly it all was, and we laughed. And yet... looking back over the past four years, I can't help but feel a little vindicated. Things really are worse than they've been in recent memory. That's not just my imagination, is it? For once in my life, I don't relish being right.

Here's hoping that tomorrow marks the beginning of the change I was so sure we'd see 4 years ago. Forgive me, McCain supporters. No matter what happens, I hope we can all come together over milk and cookies tomorrow.