Ow, It Hurts

Saturday I drove from Winston-Salem to Greensboro (this means nothing to you if you don't live in NC, but the two cities are about 45 minutes apart), and while I was in Greensboro I discovered that the clutch on my car, it was no more. So, I drove the last three blocks to my destination at the mellow speed of 25 mph, parked, and went about the business of handling things. "Handling things," in case you're wondering, involves some or all of the following: calling your boyfriend, snapping at him for no reason, calling your parents, crying to your dad, getting passed off to your mom, sucking it up and calling AAA, finding out your clutch needs to be replaced and that this will cost $1,000.00. Let me just repeat that last part: ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. One G. One zero zero zero. TOO MUCH MONEY. Which I paid this morning when I went to pick up my car (actually $1,034.66, but who's counting?).

Luckily, I had the money in the bank, but that is hardly the point here. As a money-hating dirty hippie I should probably be glad to have it out of my life, to have $1000 less hanging over my head, pressuring me into selling out and being all commercial and forgetting what's really important in life. (Although to be fair, I think I already sold out last month when I went to Target on three separate occasions and spent... well... too much money.) But you know what I like even more than I like preaching about how materialism is not the answer? I like security. And safety. And having a bunch of money in my savings account. And I am feeling $1000 less secure today, by golly.

But what can you do? I think part of the reason it hurts me so much (right here, in my heart) is because it makes me think about all the people who have recently lost their jobs, or who can't/won't save money for occasions like these, who would be totally screwed if this had happened to them. Because honestly, I don't make a huge amount of money, and if I weren't so compulsive about saving, and if I just lived paycheck to paycheck like so many people do, I would kind of be in serious trouble right now. It's like when you're driving down the road and your attention kind of wanders and then all of a sudden you realize your drifting toward oncoming traffic, or a mailbox, and you turn the wheel at the last possible moment and even though you're completely fine, your heart is still kind of pounding, and all you can think is, there but for the grace of God go I.

Or maybe this is just the neurotic voices talking. Your call.