Everybody and their mother (figuratively speaking) is currently on Spring Break. They're all out traveling and having a great time and I (poor, pitiful me!) had to keep coming to work all this time.
Although I sort of made up for it by not coming in before 10, staying up late, and eating out all week, and drinking on a Wednesday night.
Lee was here Monday night through Thursday morning, and the combined effort of carrying on with my life while trying to squeeze in as much Boyfriend Time as possible reduced me to just flying by the seat of my pants for 4 days. We would have dinner late, stay up even later watching TV or a movie, and finally go to bed around 1. Then I'd oversleep, come in to work around 10, and work for a little while. Then I'd leave work and meet Lee for lunch. Then work some more. Then come home and pick up all the junk in my apartment, because my apartment is big enough to contain either a) two people or b) one person and their clutter, but not both. Rinse, repeat.
I had a lot of fun while he was here, but I wasn't getting a whole lot done at work, and I didn't meditate for 4 days because I was spending so little time doing actual work that I didn't feel like I had the 15 minutes to spare. (I usually meditate sometime in the morning once I get to work. ...On the days that I actually do it.) I kind of convinced myself that I didn't actually need to meditate, because I was feeling pretty good about life, as long as you don't count the anxiety of not really being 'prepared' for work every day. I was even ready to come on the internet and tell you all about it. Who needs meditation?!? I'd say. When you can make out with someone every day, your chi is naturally balanced! Your mind is clear and calm! Your panties are unbunched!
Except for that yesterday, when Lee left, I found myself a little... relieved? Sad, of course, but also a lot more relaxed, knowing I wouldn't be responsible that night for feeding and entertaining someone, and if I wanted to sit brain-dead in front of the television and then go to bed early, I could. (I did watch TV all night, but I did not go to bed early, and I still came in to work today later than I'd like. Oh well, can't win 'em all.)
I'm not entirely sure how to interpret this revelation. I'm pretty sure this is what it's like for anyone who's hosting a guest while they still have to go to work and all. And I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I usually only see Lee once a week, so I felt compelled to focus all my attention on spending time with him. But it also makes me wonder if maybe I should be glad that we don't have any plans to live together any time soon. Perhaps I still need more time to figure out how to take care of myself and put myself first, before I complicate my life any further. But what I know I've learned for sure is that just because I'm having a great time doesn't mean I should totally neglect my inner stability and forget to slow down once in awhile. When I put my health and sanity first, my other relationships just kind of fall into place on their own. Consider that a free piece of wisdom, from me to you.
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