What Next? The Jonas Brothers?

I have a couple of confessions to make. One of these, I've been carrying around for quite some time, and I think I'll feel better if I just get it out.

The following two songs have almost (almost, dammit!) made me cry, on numerous occasions:

1. '1, 2, 3, 4' by Plain White T's
2. 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift

Let that sink in for a moment. TAYLOR SWIFT. What is she, 12 years old? I confessed this to Kellie months ago and she still loves me, so I thought I'd go ahead and share it with the internet. I'm posting videos of the songs below in case you're unfamiliar with them, or if you just want to listen to them and imagine me crying in real time.

Plain White T's:


Taylor (ack!) Swift:


I'm usually fine listening to 'Love Story' until the tempo picks up and the key changes and she sings this verse:

"He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
and said, 'Marry me Juliet,
you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress,
it's a love story baby just say yes.' "

Sigh.

SWEET LORD I'm a tool.

In an attempt to gain back at least a modicum of my previously prodigious street cred, let me just point this out: the shittiness of Taylor Swift's lyrics is not lost on me. The entire song is, as far as I can tell, based on a comparison between her relationship (with some guy in her gym class, no doubt) and the relationship between Romeo and Juliet. It even includes this brilliant lyric:

"You were Romeo, I was a Scarlet Letter, and my Daddy said, 'Stay away from Juliet' "

What does that even mean?? Every time I hear that line I think, Taylor, you've never read either of these literary masterpieces, have you? So alright. Maybe sometimes I am moved by essentially meritless pop music. And perhaps there's nothing more than a few curse words and a truckload of sarcasm preventing me from turning into a character on a Disney Channel sitcom (like Hannah Montana, except they'd call me Weepy Willow). But at least I still know a nonsensical literary reference when I hear it, so don't you DARE say I've gone soft.