Idea Men (Other Than Me) Can Suck It

Sometimes I like to jokingly suggest something really off the wall, like "Ooh! Instead of a car, let's ride a panda to Wendy's!" And then when someone who has no sense of joy or wonder says something like, "Where are we supposed to get a panda at this hour?" I say, "Hey, I'm just an idea (wo)man. You figure out the details."

But just now I realized that the phrase 'idea man' didn't originally mean people like me who think outside the box and just want to bring some more dazzle to the world. No. It comes from other people, people in power (like Donald Trump), who come up with really off-the-wall demands like, 'design a more eye-catching Pepsi bottle,'* and then force people with much less power (like myself) to figure out how to actually, you know, carry out their stupid - I mean, brilliant and creative and totally necessary! - idea.

Here are some examples of insane assignments that are probably being given to low-level employees, as we speak:
- design a car that dogs can drive
- take a 500-page manuscript and exchange every instance of the word 'because' for 'due to the fact that,' because due to the fact that I think it sounds better
- without knowing the names of the author or the publication, please find a very specific article that I vaguely recall reading 10 years ago
- take the east wall of this house you've already poured the foundation for, and move it 26 inches in, so that the front yard has a better view of the rising sun
- draw a small 3-inch-square full-color illustration that depicts the essence of the theory of evolution in a way that will offend neither biological anthropologists nor born-again fundamental Christians

An Idea Man has the freedom to be an Idea Man because he goes to bed at night secure in the knowledge that when he wakes up, some haggard and underpaid minion will present to him a prototype that he pulled out of his ass over the course of a long, sleepless night. This is either really great for human innovation (because these people can just let their imaginations run wild, dragging us into the future!), or yet another shitty way that The Man is holding us down. Either way, screw the Idea Men.**


*Unless I hallucinated it, I'm pretty sure this was an actual challenge on one of the 3 episodes of The Apprentice that I have watched.
**Until I become one of them, and then: Hey, are these great ideas or what! Aren't you glad I'm giving you an opportunity to challenge yourself, Unpaid Research Assistant?