Attention Universe

I COULD NOT CARE LESS ABOUT THE WEDDING OF PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON.

I do not know anything about these people, except that they are attractive and one is royalty. Why should I care about their wedding?

I just had to listen to a young woman (who was not hosting a fashion show on E) say, without a hint of irony, "She's so beautiful! She's like, a mixture of Audrey Hepburn and Jackie O, you know? Like, a mixture of being fashion forward but also really classic."

I think it's time to STOP THE MADNESS.

Before I injure myself or someone else.