Crankyblogger is Cranky, RAAAARRR

While a shift in hormone levels certainly doesn't affect my judgment or my ability to function in society, I will acknowledge that it can sometimes cause me to have a little bit of a... bad attitude, we'll say. When such a bad attitude arises, I find that it's best to sublimate my feelings of rage into more productive pursuits, like entertaining people on the internet. With that in mind, allow me to present to you...

Ranty Passive-Aggressive Notes I've Written In My Head This Week

1) Do you like clean silverware? I sure do. It's a proven fact that silverware gets much cleaner when it's evenly distributed throughout all of the silverware squares in the dishwasher, rather than all crammed into just the two squares at the front. Why don't you want clean silverware? Have you no interest in fine living?

2) No no, after YOU. I just wanted to shop for groceries, but I see that this urgent phone conversation requires your attention immediately, even if that means you must stop in the middle of the aisle and lean on your shopping cart like a big ol' human boulder set in my path. Perhaps the gods have sent you here to test my fortitude. Thank you, thank you so much.

3) We all get tired after working out, I know. That's why I totally understand why you couldn't take your dirty socks back to your room and were thus forced to leave them on the living room floor. After all, it's difficult enough moving just your body around when you're that tired. If you had tried to lift and carry that extra half-ounce of cotton material, you might have collapsed. There there, rest now. We'll pick up those socks sometime next week.

4) An abbreviated guide to positioning yourself on public transportation, for men: If your tightly-swaddled crotch is thrust directly into the face of a seated patron, consider turning 90 degrees to the right or left and preserving the dignity of all involved.

5) The tiny people in the television can't hear you. I know you think they need your help, but I've got great news! They're not real! Feel free to adjust your behavior (and volume level) accordingly.

6) ATTENTION: If you spill wine often enough to have perfected your drunken upholstery-cleaning technique, it's time to either a) stop drinking or b) start drinking from a sippy cup. Make your choice, before I make it for you.

Don't worry, deep down I'm still the bright ray of sunshine I've always been. I'll get back to spewing rainbows and cupcake sprinkles as soon as possible.