I Imagine it Only Gets Worse if You Have Children

Over the last several weeks, I've argued with both my Dad and my Mom. (One argument apiece, because I love them equally.) It's not my favorite thing to do.

Arguing with my parents is unpleasant for a variety of reasons. For example, there's the reminder that they can be just as flawed and infuriating as any other human being, and the unsettling realization that they might not like everything about me, either. The biggest problem I have with it, thought, is the unexpected empathy I feel.

When I argue with my parents, it often becomes something like an out-of-body experience. At first, I'm just trying to win, making my point as clearly and emphatically as I can. After awhile, though, my Mom or my Dad will say something that sounds eerily familiar, and suddenly I'm floating away and watching the whole thing from the outside. I start to identify with my parent, and - DAMMIT - even empathize with them. We're too much alike, so even when I think they're wrong, I can understand exactly how they came to their (totally incorrect) standpoint. We've got the same kinds of crazy, so of course I understand perfectly how it works.

Then I'll hear myself responding with outrage, and my perspective splits again. I find myself identifying with everyone who's ever had the misfortune of arguing with me. I'm not saying every argument I've ever been in was due to my inherited instability. (Or even that all of my crazy was inherited. Some of this was home-grown, you know.) It's just that when I'm on the receiving side of it, I intensely regret all the times I've acted that way to other people.

In short, I hate arguing with my parents because it's the best possible way to be reminded that not only did I inherit many of their virtues, I also inherited a lot of their faults. Plus, it's creepy hearing your own nutjob logic come out of someone else's mouth, and then wondering how many times in the past you've used it on people who might have actually had a good point. Basically, arguing with your parents is a great way to spend the next month or so questioning your individuality and biting your tongue.