How to Get Scurvy!

Because I often consider my life to be one long, absurd, performance art piece, I feel compelled to share with the world a detailed list of everything I ate yesterday. Something you should know first, though: It's been a couple of weeks since I actually went officially "Grocery Shopping" - you know, with forethought and a list and a cart and all that - and when I stopped in the grocery store earlier this week, I was in a hurry and craving cereal. Now, without further ado, revel in my healthy eating habits...

Breakfast
2 bowls of Frosted Flakes (Harris Teeter brand, with Skim Milk!)

Snack
1 cup of Swiss Miss No Sugar Added Instant Hot Cocoa

Lunch (foraged from downstairs vending machines)
1 can of Diet Pepsi
100 Grand candy bar
(By the way, does anyone else wish that 100 Grands were bigger? Why did that vending machine charge me the same amount for the 100 Grand as they would for a gigantic Snickers bar, and then give me just two tiny little morsels? Nevertheless, they were delicious morsels.)

Dinner
2 bowls of Frosted Flakes (again)

Snack
1 giant can of pineapple chunks
(eaten after I realized, damn, I'm kind of hungry, probably because I've only eaten about 1,000 calories of pure, delicious, refined sugar today)

I guess technically all that pineapple should ward off the scurvy for a little longer, but damn. I only tell you all this so that whenever you start to feel envious of my glamorous life, you'll remember that I'm probably right this minute sitting on my broken metal Wal-Mart futon and eating another bowl of Frosted Flakes.

P.S. Does this make it sound like I'm unhappy? Because I'm so not. Let me be clear: I freaking LOVE cereal.
P.P.S. Anybody want to trade me a decent couch for a broken futon? There's a whole half of it that you can still sit on without falling through!