Consider This the Christmas Newsletter I'll Never Send

The problem with not posting on your blog for months on end is that once you want to post again, it's hard to decide what to do. Should you post excuses for your absence? Updates about what everyone's missed? Or just something unrelated but really interesting, in the hope that no one noticed you were gone in the first place? Well friends, as a consummate overachiever, I've decided to provide you with a combination of all three.

First up, excuses. So of course there was school work, and several trips out of town. Then there were the holidays, and more travel. I've also been a little depressed, which makes it harder for me to write. Plus, the longer I went without writing, the more I debated what to write. As you can see, I have PLENTY of excuses.

Secondly, updates. Since I last posted, I've run two races: a 10k (6 miles) in October and an 8k (5 miles) on Thanksgiving. The Thanksgiving race resulted in the fastest per-mile pace I've ever had in a race, around 11:30. To celebrate, I spent the next 4 weeks not running, so now I'm trying to get back on track, slowly but surely.

I finished the Fall semester without having a nervous breakdown, which was my primary goal. I also accomplished my secondary goal, which was to get decent grades in all of my classes. In addition, I attended two professional conferences, met a bunch of people I admire, and didn't embarrass myself. (I wore a pencil skirt, and if that doesn't automatically make me competent and professional, then I've been lied to by women's magazines for years.)

I visited Lee in TX for a couple weeks, which was AWESOME. I ate at three different Mexican restaurants (one of them twice) in a span of 11 days, so I think it was a pretty successful trip. I'm just sad that I have to wait another 3 months before I can see him again. I spent Christmas with my family, which was nice because they're my family, but stressful because they're my family.

Both of my pet gerbils died, one in his sleep and one due to some kind of gerbil cancer. I cried over both of them, which was unexpected and traumatic. But now, my heart is beginning to heal and I'm considering getting a Betta fish (which is essentially a step down, to Remedial Pet Ownership).

I bought a new car, which means now I have to get rid of my beloved Miata, but ultimately I think it's for the best. Now I have a back seat and a larger trunk, the better to haul illicit cargo. Also, if I ever get my pet-owning shit together and get that dog I've always wanted, I'll have room in my car for him/her to go on adventures with me. It's all about the 10-year plan, people.

Most recently, I spent New Year's Eve with my pal MB. We had Ethiopian food and spent a few hours at a bar, and then came back to my place and played Pandemic, which is a board game she got for Christmas. Basically, all the players work together as employees of the Imaginary CDC to battle infectious diseases all over the globe. We beat the diseases twice in a row, so I imagine we'll both be getting calls from the Actual CDC in the next few days. I can't think of a better way to ring in the New Year.

Currently! I'm gearing up to head back to work at my research assistantship starting tomorrow, and back to classes starting a week from now. I'm also painting a bookcase and ignoring the work that I'm supposed to be doing to prepare for tomorrow. Finally, I'm thinking about how much I love everyone reading this right now.

Now that we're all back up to speed, I want to leave you with a video. This is a TED talk that's been linked on a few blogs I read. It's a woman with a PhD in Social Work talking about embracing vulnerability, so I kind of felt like she was speaking directly to me. I really enjoyed it, and I hope you do too.

A Post-Christmas Reflection

For the record, this is my favorite Christmas treat:



For the uninitiated, this is a form of Chex Mix made by coating Chex cereal in a melted chocolate and peanut butter concoction and then tossing them in powdered sugar. Street names include 'puppy chow' and 'muddy buddies.' It may not look like much, but it is a nearly ideal chocolate-and-peanut-butter delivery system. The primary ingredient in this recipe is 9 kinds of sugar, and the only part that isn't sugar is essentially air, with a little bit of crunch. This shit is fantastic. I have probably gained 10 lbs since I have been home for the holidays and I don't even care, as long as I have my life-affirming sugar.

This brings me to the broader topic of desserts in general. Let me explain to you, briefly, the purpose of dessert. The purpose of dessert is to provide a way to eat sugar that is slightly more civil than just dumping spoonfuls of it right into your mouth. This is why there is absolutely NO REASON to add fruits (or God forbid, vegetables) to a dessert dish. Technically, yes, fruit is mostly sugar. But it's an inefficient form of sugar. What you really need in a dessert is the purest form of sugar you can get your hands on. That's why its called refined sugar. You can't use oil to run your car until it's been refined, and you're not getting the most out of your sugar until you do the same to it. Adding fruit to your dessert just dilutes its potency. When you want to get drunk, you drink the strongest liquor you can find; when eat dessert, you should eat something that's 99.9% sugar. Save the fruit for breakfast.

I hope you had a Merry, fruit-free Christmas [and/or holiday of your choice].

Holiday Roundup

Hey there, remember me? I know posting's been a little sparse lately, but you know I love you, right? It's just that I saw so many other people on the internet writing about their Christmases and their New Year's resolutions and I started to feel intimidated because I didn't have anything to say. I got stage fright, you know how it is. You believe me, don't you?

Ok, fine, I admit it. I was partying without you. But I'm here to redeem myself with a ridiculously long post* about the holidays! Hooray!

*Although really, aren't all my posts ridiculously long?

Alright, Christmas first. I spent Christmas at my parents' house, and I've already sort of told you about this, but it's obvious you weren't listening, so I'll repeat it: good food (crab legs!), playing Spore all night, quality time with my brother, presents and things. I think the best Christmas present I got was a brand new kickass digital camera with 18x ZOOM OH MAN THE THINGS I PLAN TO ZOOM IN ON. You'll recall I requested a new camera here on my blog, thus this is proof that The Internet performs miracles. By filling my parents with the Holy Digital Spirit and working through them to enact Its will. In the name of Firefox, amen.

New Year's. The second half of my holiday was spent in Cherry Grove, SC with Lee's family. Some people raised their eyebrows at me when I said I was going to the beach for New Year's, as if I didn't know it was cold there, too, but did I mention that I got to go for free? When the trip is free, you go where you're told. (Also, did I already thank Lee's family? Thanks! They don't read this - thank God - but I'm sure they heard me anyway.) We were only there for 3 days, but it was a great time. I'm incredibly lucky that I get along so well with my significant other's family, and also that they had the entire first season of True Blood on DVD.

True Blood. I do not get HBO, but now I wish I did. I spent most of last week and this past weekend watching this show and I was totally sucked in. Lee was all, "mutter mutter romance novel grumble handsome vampires," but I think he enjoyed at least 10 minutes of the 9 hours he spent watching it with me. Confidential to Sam Trammel (pictured at right): I could be convinced to have your babies in an emergency. Call me.

2008. It was a good year. I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm 84% less crazy, I'm feeling really happy at my job, I have awesome coworkers, and I'm a year and a half into the best relationship I've ever been in. High five, 2008. You're alright.

2009. Alright y'all, let's get real. Part of the reason I've put off posting for the past couple of days is because I've felt obligated to come up with some really thoughtful, profound resolutions for the upcoming year. The funny thing is, I don't normally make too big of a deal out of the New Year. There's just something about writing your thoughts on the internet and pretending that someone is going to read them that makes you feel like you have to come up with something deep. But I'm thinking that I'm pretty happy with how I handled 2008, so I guess my main resolution for next year is to keep up the good work: try not to backslide into the crazy, keep going to the gym and being healthy, keep being kind to myself, don't beat myself up when I fail to be perfect.

The only new resolution I have I stole from a magazine. I think it was Glamour (I was reading it at the gym) that had an article about how you can make a big difference simply by making a small change and sticking with it every day. They had a woman who did pushups every day, one who wore red lipstick every day, so on and so forth. So, I think my resolution for 2009 is to approach my problems that way. If I'm unhappy with something in my life, I'm going to come up with something small that I can do consistently, rather than trying to overhaul an entire set of habits. So there's my resolution: make manageable resolutions throughout the year, rather than ambitious ones right now.

Oh, by the way: Happy January 6th!

Christmas Facts

Hello there! Here are some vaguely Christmas-related facts!

1) A while back, on a blog I cannot link to because God knows what else I wrote over there, I wrote a post about a friend that I had broken up with, and all the mental anguish and hard times that event had caused me. Well, on Friday that friend and I had lunch, and everything is ok now, and I gotta tell ya, it feels pretty good. It's like when I'm sitting at my desk with my shoulders all unconsciously scrunched up, and then I stop working and take a deep breath and BAM! Aaaaahhhh. Relief from psychic static that I was not even aware of. It's a Christmas miracle!

2) I know that if you're reading my blog, you're not here for the latest in video game news. Which is why I don't mind telling you about an awesome video game that came out 2 months ago: Fallout 3. I got it for Lee for his birthday, so he'd have something sweet to play on his tricked-out new desktop computer, and it was only just this weekend that he finally let me play it. Looking back, this was probably a good call on his part, because between Saturday and Sunday I probably played that game for a total of 8 hours, and now that I'm not in Chapel Hill anymore, I... I think I miss the game more than my boyfriend. (Just kidding Lee! I love you!)

3) In my head, I have many many readers from all over the world. (Many very quiet readers. Shut up.) Some of these readers don't even speak English, but they come here anyway, laboriously translating my words using babelfish or something similar, just to get a taste of the wisdom that I have to offer. Well seekers, let me enlighten you on a little fact about North Carolina, the exotic place that I call home. All last week, it was almost 60 degrees in North Carolina. Monday, it was barely 35 degrees. Where you come from, this ridiculous temperature shift might be heralded as a sign of the apocalypse, but here, it's just further proof that this truly is the promiseland.

4) I have spent the better part of the past 2 weeks singing Christmas carols, which is strange, because I don't remember being the kind of person to wander around singing Christmas carols. Sadly, I have somehow forgotten half the lyrics to every song I want to sing. In a way this is a blessing, because it is how I learned that Lee apparently knows the words to every Christmas carol, ever, because he kept correcting me everytime I screwed one up. Unfortunately, if you're thinking that this means that Lee has to perform a one-man caroling revue for me, then boy are you ever wrong. Lee "doesn't sing," I've been informed. But I have a secret weapon that I think will change his mind. (Hint: it's vodka.)

5) Remember how I said that I have that weird problem with using "Jesus Christ" as a curse, even though I'm not particularly religious? Well that extends to abbreviating 'Christmas' as 'Xmas.' Because, you know, it just seems rude to cut Jesus right out of his own holiday. (Well, one of his holidays, anyway.) And now that everybody is all about "putting Christ back in Christmas," or whatever, I think it's even more important for me to at least leave him in the name, even though I'm a terrible heathen and don't go to church on Christmas Eve, and will probably accidentally curse and/or think impure thoughts sometime on Christmas Day.

You know, I was concerned that my "Christmas Facts" weren't really going to have much to do with Christmas, but this turned out all right. And that, loyal readers, is my gift to you.

Giving Makes You Feel All Tingly

The honor society at our high school always sponsored a Salvation Army bucket (kettle? money repository?) outside the local grocery store, usually every evening for a week or two before Christmas. The students signed up to work the door in shifts. My friends and I signed up as a group, because high schoolers don't do anything alone, and because at the time we had the kind of group where if any two of us were doing something, we all did it together. (Although even at the time it seemed to me like 4 teenage girls to 1 bucket was a bit of overkill.)

We showed up that evening for our shift, which probably began around 6 or 7pm and lasted a few hours. It was dark outside, and chilly, and I remember hopping up and down and shivering a lot. We all wore santa hats, although I don't recall where we got them, and we took turns ringing the bell. It was sort of cold and dull, watching people walk in and out of the grocery store, but we would cheer and ring the bell everytime someone gave us any money. It felt like scoring a point in a very close soccer game, and I'm sure the generous individual also got a thrill from the grateful reactions of 4 hyperactive high school girls.

But looking back now, it seems like the donations were few and far between. We found other ways to entertain ourselves during our time in the cold. The grocery store shared a shopping center with a Kmart, a Subway, a Radio Shack, and a video store, so it had a parking lot which was, at the time, the largest in town. This made it a popular place for high school guys with a lot of time and little ambition to park their tricked out Civics and shoot the shit after all the stores closed. It was also apparently a good place for "cruising," a pastime I could never really get behind. In the few hours we represented the Salvation Army outside that grocery store, we saw a particular blue truck drive by over 10 times. After the third time, we started calling out the number each time he went by. At the tenth time, we all yelled "TEN!" and rang the bell and jumped up and down, like we were all extras on a Sesame Street segment with The Count. I can only imagine that either the guy was oblivious, or that he was encouraged by the thought of having his very own group of cheerleaders.

Obviously, this is one of my favorite Christmas memories. By extension, Salvation Army bell-ringers have become one of my favorite things about Christmas. Every time I see one, I'm reminded of the fun and excitement of ringing a bell, shouting and harassing shoppers. It's like being a town cryer with no news and getting paid anyway. It's like being Backwards Santa: instead of giving presents, you take money, and instead of being secretive about it, your goal is to be undeniably noticeable. It's awesome. But it also reminds me of how cold it was outside, how frustrating it was when it seemed like too much time was passing between donations and all people did was walk by without making eye contact. And I think that maybe I wouldn't have had so much fun if I hadn't had 3 of my best friends there with me.

So a couple of weeks ago I stopped by WalMart on my way to my parents' house. There was a Salvation Army guy out front, and I immediately felt the old familiar kinship, the warm nostalgia in my tummy. He seemed about my age, maybe a few years older. He also seemed to be a little... less attentive than your average bear, but he cheerfully wished everyone that exited the store a good night, regardless of whether or not they donated any money. I smiled at him on my way in (sadly, he didn't have a santa hat), and on my way out I took all the $1 bills I had in my wallet (it was probably only $3 or $4) and put them in his bucket. He said "Have a good night!" just like he had said to everyone else, but when he realized what I was doing - and that it was REAL CASH MONEY, no less - he got this adorably surprised look on his face and said, "Thanks! Have a... have a great Thanksgiving!" And I said, "You too!"

And even though I don't even know what awesome things the Salvation Army is going to do with my $4, that awesome look on my fellow bell-ringer's face made my empty wallet totally worthwhile. And I smiled the whole way home.

Things I Need in My Life, Right Away

There are some things I've really been hurting for lately, and I figured that since Christmas is upon us, I would go ahead and be all "I want I want, gimme gimme."

Number one thing I need right now: a dog. Ohhhh how I need a puppy. Except I can't have one, because I live in an apartment and I spend 5-10% of my time in Chapel Hill with my significant other (who doesn't have a dog either, so why I keep visiting him, I don't know). Therefore what I really need is someone close by to get a puppy, and then let me name it and play with it and cuddle it all the time. And/or I need a house with a yard, preferably in Chapel Hill.

My second request has a backstory. In my efforts to become the most boring 23-year-old on the face of the planet, I've taken up crocheting. (Other efforts include: considering taking a class on cake-decorating at the community college. Who's with me??) My grandmother taught me how to crochet afghans a long time ago, and a couple months ago I spontaneously decided to teach myself again. So I went to A.C. Moore and bought me a hook, some yarn, and a short booklet entitled "Teach Me To Crochet!" It had pictures of extremely happy looking 10-year-old girls on the front, all of them wearing hand-crocheted hats and scarves in eye-searing colors. It seemed to be about my speed. Thus, I have successfully taught myself how to crochet again.

My current problem with crocheting is that there are two categories of things you can crochet: 1) things that at the moment are too difficult for me to make, and 2) hats and scarves and blankets. I have already made a scarf and some wrist warmers for myself, so now I have to find other people to crochet things for. But crocheting things for grownups takes time and is not nearly as fun as crocheting things for babies, because babies have special, very soft, very pastel yarn reserved just for them! And so, we've come to my request: I need a friend or family member to have a baby, ASAP, so that I may begin crocheting them things. As a matter of fact, if you have a baby or know a baby, leave a comment and maybe we can work something out where you give me their address and I anonymously mail them 3 dozen cute little hats and baby blankets. 'Tis the season, after all.

(By the way, I would love to post photos here of the things I've crocheted, but everytime I ask my camera to PLEASE JUST GIVE ME MY PICTURES, it just folds its arms and stares angrily into the distance. So why don't we also add a new digital camera to the list of things I need?)