This Post Brought to You By Lowe's Home Improvement*

For whatever reason, this weekend finds me positively brimming with energy to get things done. I've scheduled appointments, gotten my hair cut and my license renewed, done laundry and dishes, and hung pictures that I've been meaning to hang for months.

The picture-hanging thing is interesting because it's one of those little "if only I had the time" kind of projects that seems so unbearably tedious to think about. I kept thinking, in a whiny sort of way, I'd like to do it but then I'll have to pick out pictures to print and then go to the store and plus I've got to buy frames and what if I hang them crooked? And then I would lie down, overwhelmed with the pressure of it all. Of course, when it came down to it, it was actually kind of enjoyable picking out the pictures and getting them printed, and the picture-hanging itself didn't take more than 20 minutes. It all required relatively little effort, considering the satisfaction I get every time I glance at my handiwork.

It's really kind of alarming how easy and pleasant it was, and it makes me wonder what other things I've missed out on just because I've built them up to be some impossibly complicated task. Here's a small sample of other things that I'd like to do, but haven't done because it seems like too much work:

1) Paint my raggedy Goodwill desk a delightful shade of lime green
2) Finally hang the adorable hanging lamp I got from Ikea (if I told you how long ago I bought it, I'd have to kill you)
3) Sell last year's textbooks online for a hefty profit of one meeeellion dollars

Maybe I can ride the wave of picture-hanging success right into another project. It's all about momentum, baby.

So what about you guys? Anyone want to share what fantasy project they'd tackle if they suddenly woke up with buckets of energy and motivation?

*Not really.

I Don't Even Know Where to Start

I promised my friend MB that I would post a blog today, so that is what I'm doing, even though I don't even know what to tell you guys. There have been a variety of new developments in my life, and I feel like if I tried to fill you in now I'd just get tired and confused and start drooling on myself. HOWEVER, because I love you and you're so BOSSY, I'm going to do my best to bring you up to speed. But I make no guarantees that this post will encompass everything new that has happened since 3 weeks ago when I stopped posting regularly and everyone got really disappointed in me.

Oooook... the first thing I need to tell you is kind of sad, but I just found out about it today so it's fresh on my mind: one of my gerbils has some kind of brain damage. Well, actually, I don't know for sure that it's brain damage, but he's holding his head kind of tilted to one side, and he's walking around like he's drunk or concussed or something. But I googled "gerbil leaning to one side" and wikipedia says that it's probably an inner ear problem and nothing to worry about because he'll... get used to it? They may be right, because he's still eating and digging and gerbiling around like he usually does, so I think this situation is bothering me more than him. I keep standing anxiously over the tank like "Heeey buddy. How ya doin? You wanna start walking in a straight line again, please, because mama finds it unsettling."

This issue is of particular concern to me because in about 30 minutes I'm leaving to go to the airport to fly to Houston for the weekend, and right now my roommate is also out of town, but she'll probably be back before me. So what if my gerbil isn't ok and then he DROPS DEAD while I'm gone and then my roommate comes back and has to cope with a dead gerbil and then she naturally assumes that it's my fault he's dead because I'm neglectful? Or, even if she doesn't assume I'm neglectful, it's still kind of uncool for me to saddle her with the inconvenience of a dead rodent when we've only lived together for a week. What if he's been dead for several days at that point? What if the other gerbil... like... eats him, or something?

... I'm going to stop thinking about this right now, because I don't know whether to cry or throw up.

Also of note is the fact that I moved! I'm still in North Carolina, but in a different city, where Grad School will happen, as I'm sure I've mentioned. My new apartment is pretty sweet, and includes such features as: balcony, roommate, washer/dryer hookups, and more than 2 windows. My last apartment had none of these things, so even though I am taking a serious paycut, I'm still moving up in the world. (For the record, there were windows in my last apartment, but there were only 2. It was on the bottom floor of a building built into a hill. This parenthetical is so boring.) I was really pumped about having a roommate to talk to, but then the day after we moved in, she said, "Oh hey, I'm pretty much going to be gone for the next 3 weeks, see ya!" Which was sad, but also kind of a blessing in disguise, because that means I get 3 more weeks before I have to stop indulging in my treasured pastime of walking/sitting around with no clothes on.

I'm a little embarrassed that my roommate was only here for 2 days before she left again, and all of her stuff is put away neatly, whereas I've had 4-ish days to unpack and there are STILL boxes all over my room. It's no big deal, I just have to keep moving boxes off the bed when it's time to sleep and back onto the bed when it's time to... walk... anywhere. It's alright, though, because at least I put up curtains, so it's not like I'm some kind of savage. Maybe later if I'm feeling generous I'll post some pictures of the new place. Tell me, would you prefer photos with or without boxes? Keep in mind that I lived in my last apartment for 2 years and when I moved last weekend there were 2 boxes in my bedroom that still hadn't been unpacked. So saying you want to see pictures "without boxes" may be equivalent to saying that you want to see pictures "never." Just keep that in mind.

Ok, it's almost time for me to head to the airport, so I need to wrap this up. I promise - I mean, I will try really hard - to update you on my Houston trip as soon as I get back. Also stay tuned for answers to important questions like, "Will grad school turn me into a trembling ghost of the woman I once was?" and "Do you think I should put the clothes hamper in the closet or the bathroom?"

Product Review: Drano Max Gel

Yesterday I meant to work on grad school applications, but I had one of those freakouts where I decided that NOTHING was going to get done until I cleaned my damn apartment. It was warranted, I think, because it had been a slightly embarrassing length of time since I had last cleaned. For example, I don't think that I should mention in public how long it had been since I had washed the dishes... how long they had lingered in the sink, waiting for someone to pay attention to them, and how when I finally washed them, I was not even sure what I had eaten off of them in the first place, because that's how long it had been since I did the dishes.

Anyway, one of my major goals yesterday was to take care of the clogged drain in my bathroom sink. This is simultaneously very exciting (because I've never had a clogged drain to call my own!) and extremely boring (because ew, clogged drain). I'm not entirely sure how the sink drain got clogged in the first place. I'm thinking that part of the problem might be that I blow-dry my hair right over the sink, and maybe while I'm distracted by my reflection in the mirror (shiny!), some individual strands of my hair jump ship and make for the sewers.

Lest you think that I am so kind of martyr for cleanliness, I want you to know that by no means did I go sticking my hands in that gross drain, or dismantling pipes, or any of that nonsense. No. What I did do was, I went and bought a $7 bottle of Drano Max Gel*, poured it down the drain, and let it do my dirty work.

*Drano is not paying me to write this post. Don't worry, I haven't sold out!

I'm very appreciative toward the Drano for saving me from having to get my hands all icky. On the other hand, I now also have a new-found respect, bordering on fear, for Drano Max Gel. For one thing, there are notices all over that bottle, warning you not to ever let the gel touch you, or any of your loved ones, or any of your possessions. It even goes so far as to suggest that you really shouldn't look at it directly.

Given that it's "professional-strength" (i.e., it will burn the skin off of your child's face if you're not careful), I don't understand why it instructs you to use HALF OF THE BOTTLE all at one time. (That's $3.50, right down the drain! And for once, I mean that literally!) It also says that you should slowly pour your half of the bottle into the clogged drain. Even if it hadn't said to do it "slowly," I would have had to anyway because, um, Drano? My drain is clogged. Where is the Drano Max Gel supposed to go, exactly?

So I stood in my bathroom for 20 minutes, pouring a little of the Drano Uranium Derivative into my sink, waiting for it to sink down the drain, and then pouring again. I don't know if the bathroom was maybe not as well-ventilated as it should have been, but it started to feel kind of trippy. Watching that stuff sloooowly drain is kind of like watching an egg yolk slip through a colander. Also, every once in awhile there would be a bubble in the gel, which I guess indicated that it was making some progress down there. But the bubble wouldn't pop, because that gel is hardcore, and I couldn't reach down and pop it, because I was afraid I'd lose a finger to the Professional Strength, so I had to just sit there and will it to pop with my eyes. And then on top of everything else, all this time spent standing over my sink really got me thinking about what must be down there, clogging everything up, and between that and the egg-yolk-iness and the weird smell, I started feeling sort of nauseous.

But, finally half of the bottle had been sent down the drain, and I was free to go do other things while I waited the recommended 15 minutes for it to do its thing. Then, as directed, I flushed it with hot water and I'LL BE DAMNED, that drain drains just like you'd expect it to (which is to say, in less than an hour). So, all in all, I'd say that I have to give Drano Max Gel a thumbs-up for effectiveness, but an F for consumer friendliness, since it kind of frightened me and made me feel sick. The worst part is, I still have half the bottle sitting under my kitchen sink with the rest of the cleaning supplies, and I'm kind of afraid to even open the cabinet, because I don't want it to feel like I'm challenging it and then charge me like an angry bull. If anyone out there has a clogged drain and needs some of this stuff, I'll give it to you for free, but you'll have to come get it yourself. I've taken too many risks already.

Marrying Up

Some people hope to marry into money, or power, or infamy.

All I want is to marry someone that will do my damn dishes.

I'm a decent cook, so I'm pretty confident that something can be arranged.