When You Hear the Call, You've Got to Get it Underway

I was in marching band in college, and we used to play a lot of older songs from the 70s and 80s at the football and basketball games. We used to play this song, and I really enjoyed marching band, and that is basically the only explanation I can come up with for why I nearly cried today when it came on the radio.



Don't worry, it was a happy almost-cry. Maybe someday, when I finally have my nervous breakdown, we'll look back and recognize this as the first sign that I was losing it.

A Perfect Body

I've got a perfect body, but sometimes I forget
I've got a perfect body, cause my eyelashes catch my sweat
- Regina Spektor

I've been having a hard time with my body lately. I've been trying to lose about 10lbs ever since the holidays, and I haven't been having much luck. Technically, I've already lost these 10lbs about 3 times in as many years, which makes their repeated return even more frustrating. In any case, losing them again has been difficult because the cold weather has destroyed my willingness to leave the house for exercise, and also I have a moral obligation to eat all of the chocolate in North Carolina.

I blame my dissatisfaction with my body on the fact that it's currently 10lbs larger than my arbitrary ideal, but in fact wasn't happy with my body even at my thinnest. My "thinnest" wasn't particularly slim, of course, but it was a perfectly average, acceptable weight, and probably fully 20lbs less than what I weigh now. But at the time I lamented my full hips, my thick thighs, and strong calves. I wasn't petite and top-heavy, and I considered it a serious injustice. (This was in high school, when most things were injustices.) When I look at photos from that time, I want to slap that girl. At this point in my life I don't even aspire to be that thin again, because I think it would be too difficult to maintain. That was probably a major high point in my physical history, and I wasted it. I should have been enjoying myself! I should have worn a bikini everywhere! I should have been taking nude photos every day and showing them to strangers!

Obviously, the irony is that a woman in her mid-30s, or 40s, or 50s, or anyone whose just had her first child, or really any number of people, could look at me now and think how ridiculous it is for a childless woman in her late-20s with a perfectly average body type to be lamenting "the good old days." They have a point. Sometimes when I'm standing in front of a mirror, scrutinizing the line between my eyebrows that comes from constantly judging stupid people, I try to imagine what I'll look like when I'm 80, and remind myself that some day I'll look back fondly on the time when I only had one slight wrinkle.

I also try to remind myself to stop making this face so much.

Likewise, I recently read a piece that was written by a gorgeous woman who had suffered a medical event that left her face substantially changed. She's beautiful in a different way now, but were I in her position I assume there would be days when I would miss the way I once looked, or the ways I used to express myself with my face. (Yes, even that hateful expression up there is something for which to be thankful.) It seems silly to nitpick over superficial things like acne and laugh lines when could suddenly find yourself faced with a much more deeply frustrating situation. And barring a medical catastrophe, that's what happens gradually as we age, anyway.

It's not just a matter of how much worse it could be. It's true that I could weigh 400lbs, or be 80 years old, or have a debilitating disease. It's also true that, regardless of your point of comparison, I have so much to be thankful for and excited about. Yesterday, I ran outside for the first time since early January. I always feel beautiful after I've been running. Not "pretty," not even necessarily "attractive," given that my face is usually beet-red, my hair sweat-soaked and in disarray, and my scent decidedly rustic. Nevertheless, I feel beautiful. The ache in my legs reminds me of their strength, and the rhythm of my lungs and heart are evidence of my vim and vigor, I suppose.

It's good to remember that I can run. I can jump. I can eat spicy food and chew gum. I can wear mascara, and put my hair in a pony tail. I can stand on my tiptoes and reach objects on high shelves. I can crochet, and paint bookshelves. There's a lot of joy to be had with almost any body, if we really look at what we've got and stop comparing it to some past or future ideal self.

Well, would you look at that. I've talked myself into a state of inspiration. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put on a bikini and run through town. Locals, you have 20 minutes to don your sunglasses.

An Assortment of Entertaining Gibberish

Are you familiar with Regretsy? If not, you really should be, as it's a treasure trove of entertainment. For instance, yesterday April, who runs the site, posted this about how Regretsy is apparently ranked higher in Finland than it is in the United States. Since I was supposed to be working, I read all the comments on that post, and as a result I learned a great deal about Finland today. For example, the Finns have a great appreciation for all kinds of music, be it Queen by way of polka...



or Metallica by way of cellos (sorry, embedding is disabled on that one)...

or a simple heavy metal celebration of vodka:



Even when you're the only one who can hear the music you make, there's a place for you in Finland:



(I particularly like that guy because he looks kind of like a Dwarf from Middle Earth, in the best possible way.)

Speaking of things that are musical and wonderful, here's this!



Now, to round out this loose collection of things that amuse me, allow me to repeat something that made me laugh for about 10 minutes straight tonight:

"Every morning, pigeons wake up and they put on a hat and tie and they go off to the pidgery to pidge all day. Just pigeons, pidgin' around."

I would try to explain it, but there really is no explanation. Aaand that's all I have for you tonight! Check back tomorrow, when I'll attempt to make some sense for a change.

(sexy sexy sexy)

Hey y'all. I know that lately I've been posting a lot of videos and not a lot of actual word-type content, but keep in mind that

a) I think we can all agree they're entertaining videos
and
b) Hey, at least I haven't completely dropped off the face of the Earth again, right? RIGHT.

That being said, I have another video/ song for you. I'm sure by now you're all aware of the joy-inducing magic that is "Fuck You", by Cee-Lo, but I worry that perhaps you're missing out on this gem, which is on the same album:



Be aware, however, that listening to this may cause you to spend the rest of the day quietly singing "LOVE GUN!! sexy sexy sexy" to yourself. Enjoy!

Your Guess is as Good as Mine

Among the variety of things that have put a lump in my throat over the past several days (Hello there, Special Lady Time!) is this guitarist and cellist playing Malaguena.



I have no idea what my problem is. I have a sensitive and artistic soul, I suppose.

On a fairly unrelated note, have you seen this? It almost made me cry, too, but this time from laughter!

Things That Make Me Cry Vol. 58

You know how on live albums there's always the part where the band cuts out and you can hear the voices of hundreds of audience members lifted in chorus together? And the sound is infused with the sheer joy of being able to share a beloved song and a magical moment with so many other people? And you just know that they're thinking that FINALLY this is the pay-off for all the hours and days and months of enjoying this song in isolation and memorizing all the lyrics?

Well, I can't talk about it right now, because I have something in my eye.

And This is What You Hum, You Hum...

Since my last post about running music garnered some positive feedback (in real life) (shut up, yes it did), I thought I would post some more stuff that gets me pumped when I run. These are both on the album Keasbey Nights, which I have listened to for a many a run.

(Note: If loud and fast isn't your taste, you might want to skip this one and go read a book instead.)





Speaking of many a run, my current music is getting a little stale. If anyone has any recommendations for power songs, let me know. You can tell it's a good song if
a) it would work as the soundtrack to an 80s sports movie training montage, or
b) it might inspire a music video about misfits stickin it to the man.

Happy Friday Night!

This is almost exactly what I'm doing right now...



SHAKE IT!

Today's Post Sponsored By My Inner 12-Year-Old Schoolgirl

It's been awhile since I updated everyone on the latest embarrassing thing to make me (almost) cry, so here's a new one for you:



(Sorry for the janky video, it was the best embeddable one I could find.)

Today on "What's New In Humiliating Tears" we have a classic by young country artist Taylor Swift. I had all but forgotten about this particular sob-inducer until it came on the radio a couple days ago. Based on past evidence, Miss Swift appears to have a direct line to my Hormonal Cry Center, and I'm just about sick of her shit. I'm 95% sure that all of her sappy, nonsensical love songs are specifically intended to neutralize my powers of skeptical cynicism but I'M NOT FALLING FOR IT. Know this, Taylor Swift: every time one of your cotton candy songs gives me a lump in my throat, I redouble my efforts to block out every weak-ass feminine cliche you represent. SO THERE.

Now then. If anyone needs me, I'll be on the couch, watching Pretty Woman.

This Just In

To be added to 'Things That Make Me Cry (Subheading: Joy)' -




A few nights ago I had to make a run to the grocery store down the street. As I was coming back to the apartment, this song came on the radio, and I was so happy I couldn't help myself. The sky was clear and dark, the air was cool, and the music was good, so I put my windows down and just kept driving. Anytime I drove past people running or walking on the sidewalk, I turned the radio up so they wouldn't miss out.

Hot damn, if moments like that aren't what life is all about, then I just don't understand the world.

Two Inappropriate Things for Tuesday

I just want to quickly share two very important things with you. First off, you should know that whenever this song comes on the radio, I and embarrassingly enthusiastic little dance in my car...



... and I'm not nearly as ashamed as I ought to be.


Secondly, I think about this scene from Grandma's Boy more often than you'd imagine.



At any given moment the probability is pretty high that in my head, I'm drunkenly singing 'Push It.'

Now, on with your day!

One Liner

Pop music: music that you kind of hate, even as you're singing along with it; alternately, music that you can't help but sing along with, even as you claim to hate it.

What Next? The Jonas Brothers?

I have a couple of confessions to make. One of these, I've been carrying around for quite some time, and I think I'll feel better if I just get it out.

The following two songs have almost (almost, dammit!) made me cry, on numerous occasions:

1. '1, 2, 3, 4' by Plain White T's
2. 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift

Let that sink in for a moment. TAYLOR SWIFT. What is she, 12 years old? I confessed this to Kellie months ago and she still loves me, so I thought I'd go ahead and share it with the internet. I'm posting videos of the songs below in case you're unfamiliar with them, or if you just want to listen to them and imagine me crying in real time.

Plain White T's:


Taylor (ack!) Swift:


I'm usually fine listening to 'Love Story' until the tempo picks up and the key changes and she sings this verse:

"He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
and said, 'Marry me Juliet,
you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress,
it's a love story baby just say yes.' "

Sigh.

SWEET LORD I'm a tool.

In an attempt to gain back at least a modicum of my previously prodigious street cred, let me just point this out: the shittiness of Taylor Swift's lyrics is not lost on me. The entire song is, as far as I can tell, based on a comparison between her relationship (with some guy in her gym class, no doubt) and the relationship between Romeo and Juliet. It even includes this brilliant lyric:

"You were Romeo, I was a Scarlet Letter, and my Daddy said, 'Stay away from Juliet' "

What does that even mean?? Every time I hear that line I think, Taylor, you've never read either of these literary masterpieces, have you? So alright. Maybe sometimes I am moved by essentially meritless pop music. And perhaps there's nothing more than a few curse words and a truckload of sarcasm preventing me from turning into a character on a Disney Channel sitcom (like Hannah Montana, except they'd call me Weepy Willow). But at least I still know a nonsensical literary reference when I hear it, so don't you DARE say I've gone soft.

Gratitude, Days 24 and 25: Warm Weather Edition

Once again I've missed a day, so you know what that means: Double-Up Gratitude Extravaganza! Are you ready? Brace yourself!

1) First off I would like to be thankful for the fact that I finally buckled down and got some work done yesterday. I would also like to be thankful for the realization that even though I spent several days gnashing my teeth and wailing about how I didn't want to do that work, once I got down to doing it, it really only took me a couple of hours. Sheesh.

2) After work yesterday I went to my parents' house for dinner. Getting to my parents' house from my place involves a long stretch of rural highway, and I drove the whole way with the top down on my car, basking in the setting sun and writing a poem in my head about how I'd like to make love to Spring and Summer. (Preferably in some kind of all-girl three-way. Because I'm pretty sure they're girls.) While driving along in my car with the top down, I smelled some smells that made my heart sing. Among them were:

3) A charcoal grill.

4) Freshly mowed (mown?) grass.

5) Honeysuckle! Mother-effing honeysuckle! If someone would please compile and submit to me a list of places where honeysuckle doesn't grow, I would really appreciate it, as I don't ever intend to live in any of those places.

6) The gorgeous weather continued today, so I wore a tank top, skirt, and flip flops. I'm all for any weather that allows me to perform my day-to-day activities wearing as little clothing as possible.

7) While half-naked, I looked at some apartments. I managed to find a really nice place that Future Roommate and I can actually afford, so now if I can get her approval, we can submit an application and I can move on to worrying about something new.

8) Let's take a quick one-item break from all this talk about the nice weather. I am also thankful for the fact that even when I'm in the midst of explaining to Lee how I am completely right and he is hopelessly wrong, we can still make each other laugh.

9) Back to the good weather! This evening, as the sun was setting, I went for a run. Call me unimaginative, but I really can't think of many things more soul-soothing than listening to some chill music and setting out for a run at dusk on a warm day.

10) Once I finished my run, I sat down in the grass to stretch in the dark, and the song below came on my ipod, and I was one with the world, and it was good.

9 Out of 10 Posts On This Blog Are About Things I Hear On the Radio

I'm hoping that today will be the day that I get to one of those substantive posts I keep teasing everyone with, but just in case it isn't, I'm going to go ahead and post this little baby one, so that I'm still in compliance with NaBloPoMo. Remember children: it is important to always cover one's ass in everything one does.

Anyway, today's Radio Station of Choice was the Spanish-language station, because I'm trying to bone up (heh) on my Spanish skills, which have languished a little since I returned from my semester abroad in Spain. I'm thinking about maybe possibly volunteering with this organization that works a lot with Spanish-speaking immigrants, so it would be nice if I could remember some vocabulary. As I was listening, this awesomely sappy love song came on, and the first line of it, roughly translated, was this...

Baby, I know you changed your phone number.

For some reason, that made me giggle uncontrollably. (I know! A song that didn't make me tear up and gaze wistfully off into the distance!) I think it's the really tender way he said it, and the moving (accordion?) music that was playing softly in the background at the time. The chorus wasn't quite as good, but it went something like this:

I love you, I love you, I'm an idiot, I lost you, but I love you.

Hell, I'd take him back. But then, I'm a sucker for a love song.



.....





(Ok, ok, we both knew I wouldn't be able to resist trying to find a video on YouTube.



I think it's time to admit I have a problem. Sigh.)

Once Again, Copping Out And Relying On Youtube

Ok, so today has been another hectic day, and you can see that I've just about missed my posting deadline. But don't fear! I do have something to share with you. First, I want you to know that this song (featured below in video form) keeps popping up on my Pandora station, and every time it does, I get choked up.



I've chosen this particular video in order to emphasize the fact that, yes, it's this specific version that I've been listening to over and over again, the cover done by Rufus Wainwright, especially for the Shrek soundtrack. And I get choked up every time.

On a weirder note, I happened upon a country station today and heard "The Devil Went Down To Georgia"... and got choked up. There's no story behind that, no special significance that The Charlie Daniels Band has in my life. So apparently it's just music, any music, that gets me all emotional. It's only a matter of time until Lindsay Lohan's little sister's Christmas album turns me into a sobbing, inconsolable mess.

Also, to make up for the fact that this post has pretty much no substance whatsoever, I'm including this video of squirrels dancing to Michael Jackson's 'Don't Stop Til You Get Enough.' You can thank Lee for this one.