Today, I overslept again. Did I mention that I've been oversleeping this week? Well I have. It's all because of that Snow Day, I think. A 3-day weekend gives me too much time to remember how awesome it is to stay up late and spend half the day in bed. Then, when it's time to get back to work, I start thinking it's ok to stay up til 2am reading vampire novels. Which makes it difficult to get up at a reasonable hour. Point being: I've been oversleeping this week, and I did it again today.
I woke up feeling cranky. I took a shower, the cranky increased. I called my mom on the way to work, and I felt thoroughly annoyed for no particular reason. Sigh.
But THEN. Once I got into work, I meditated for my appointed 15 minutes. I almost fell asleep, but when I finished I felt a lot more calm, if not more cheerful or compassionate. I turned my attention to my work, I plugged along, I checked twitter, things were good. The office was relatively quiet, except for the voice of a particular coworker with whom I don't have much in common. In fact, I don't usually go out of my way to talk to her because we're so different that a whenever we do talk I just end up thinking... well, I don't know what to think. I heard her on the phone, leaving a voicemail for a participant in the research study she manages. Out of the blue, the background noise in my head was interrupted by a voice: "Hm, she's actually pretty good at her job, considering how difficult it must be. I bet it would make her feel better to hear that, since her boss is always criticizing her so much."
Huh? I swear, it was so out of the blue and semi-conscious that at first I thought someone else had said it. It's not that I don't usually say nice things to people, I just don't normally think to say nice things to people that I'm not already good friends with, or trying to be friends with. Once I recognized the voice in my head as my own, I sat for a second and struggled with what to do with this impulse. Should I forget it? That seemed kind of screwed up, just neglecting to tell someone something that might make them happy. But what was I supposed to do? Wander into her office and say, "Hey, great job there, tiger"? If I were her, and I were feeling saucy, I might respond with, "Wow, thanks asshole, but I don't really need your approval." (Ok, I wouldn't actually say something like that. But other people might.) As I was on the verge of just letting it go, she got up and walked past my office.
"Rita!" I called out to her, using a made-up name because I knew I'd be blogging about this later. She stopped in my doorway. "I just wanted to tell you that I think you do a great job... with your... job. It must be pretty difficult, trying to recruit all those people. And uh... I overheard you leaving that voice message and it was really good! It sounded very nice and professional, and it was a great idea, reminding them that we have a different area code. ... I just thought you'd like to know, since [Boss Man] is always giving you such a hard time."
I sounded like a jackass.
BUT she did not call me a jackass. She smiled and blushed and seemed genuinely happy to receive the compliment. We shot the shit for a little while longer and then she went on her way. In conclusion, it was awkward, but she seemed to appreciate it and I'm still happy that I could do something (very small but) nice for someone I'm not that close to. PLUS now my crankiness is gone. Neat.
So. Meditation: It may provoke you to give awkward compliments to people you don't usually talk to. But then you'll feel better about life, which is great, because it's really all about you.
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